sa jan 14 mo na basahin ahahaha (isang matamis na liham mula kay neil)

Ayun pasensya naman. Maganda naman talaga yung ideya ko. Plano ko sana na gumawa ng painting ng mukha mo, gamit na reference yung picture mo sa bangka (Kung mga kanta ang pictures, yung ang unang track sa greatest hits mo). Kaso, kagaya ng relihiyon at gobyerno, sumasablay na yung idea pagdating sa totoong buhay kasi palpak yung nag-execute. Eto yung una kong nagawa, inisketch ko muna gamit ang bolpeng mumurahen:

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a314/neilencio/cee.jpg

O di ba? Hindi mukhang cecilia. Mukhang Orc sa Lord of the Rings. Pero hindi ako madaling sumuko, tinry ko naman na parang painting…at eto ang kinalabasan:

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a314/neilencio/cee2.jpg

Ang gara di ba? Hindi sya mukhang normal na painting. Para kong nagpainting ng wax figure mo, na matagal nang naiwan sa arawan kaya natunaw.  

Napagpasyahan kong idrawing na lang ang relationship nating dalawa. PERO…kahit nabuhay ako ng ilang taon sa pagiging Artist at pagiging writer, e ikinahihiya kong aminin na hindi ako marunong gumamit ng simbolismo o ano mang ka-ek-ekan kung saan ilalarawan ko ang ating pag-ibig bilang isang busilak na brilyanteng galing sa dumi ngunit nilinang hanggang maging isa sa pinakamaganda at pinakamatibay na bagay sa balat ng lupa, tapos may konting design-design sa gilid na kulay blue, nakalimutan ko na kung anong ibig sabihin nun. Hope yata o faith o baka hindi lang marunong magkulay yung gumawa at aksidenteng nakaskas nya yung blue craypas sa gilid – pero hindi na importante kasi hindi naman yun ang drawing ko para sa relationship natin.

Hindi ako gagamit ng simbolismo dahil simple lang ang description ko sa ating pagsasama: CUTE. Kasing cute ng dalawang pusang magkayakap sa tuktok ng mataas na puno, parehas silang natatakot dahil hindi nila alam kung paano bumaba pero masaya pa rin sila dahil ang importante ay magkasama sila, at magkayakap. Happy 1st month, cecilia. I love you so much.

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a314/neilencio/pusa.jpg

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Nais Ko’y Ikaw

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 Nais kong magisnan ang bukang-liwayway
Na ikaw ang kasama
Madama ang simoy ng hangin
At lamig ng umaga

Nais kong hawakan ang iyong mga kamay
Sa tuwing titingin sa langit
Sabay nating bibilangin ang mga tala
Hanggang sa sila ay mawala

Nais kong masaksihan ang paglubog ng araw
Na ikaw ang kapiling
Ibubulong ko sa iyo ang nadarama
Kasabay ng paglamon ng dilim

Nais kong maramdaman ang ulan
Ang pagpatak nito sa pisngi’t katawan
At ang pagdampi ng iyong halik
Na sa aking puso’y di mawawaglit

 image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/mar1lyn84/2722712047/

If I Tell You I Love You

If I tell you I love you

Would you believe?

That I always think of you

And how much I adore you

 

If I tell you I love you

Would you laugh?

My heart longs for you

For your love that is ever true

 

If I tell you I love you

Would you care?

Or would you avoid my eyes

And ignore my feelings inside

 

If I tell you I love you

Would you hate me?

For pretending that I’m just a friend

Everytime you hold my hand

 

If I tell you I love you

Would you stay?

Would you still be there

And the friendship that we had shared

 

If I tell you I love you

Would you love me?

And tell me that what you feel

Is something that I long to hear

 

image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/beglen/151843636/

 

Emptiness

     If I were going to be asked how many times I have fallen in love, my answer would be- many times. Probably too many that every so often I feel like I was born to love and to get hurt.

     Falling in love is the most infuriatingly fantastic feeling any human being could possibly experience. It is exciting. It is nerve-wracking. It is calorie burning. It is insane. It makes everything in the world magical and colorful.

     People who are in love tend to be much nicer than necessary. I know. I’ve been there. It feels like you want to be-friend everybody. You are more welcoming, more approachable. You understand everything. You seem to know the solutions to all the problems in the world. And, you cannot seem to get that sweet smile off your face.

     That is love. It can do all the crazy things, it can make the impossible possible, the ugly beautiful and the black, somehow white.

     That is love. I know. I’ve had that.

     I should know everything about love because I have been in that state for so many times.

     But actually, I don’t. I do not know how it feels like to be cuddled in the cold Christmas Eve. I do not know how it feels to be in the arms of someone when I am miserable. I do not know the feeling of being cherished and loved when my world is falling apart.

     All I know is the feeling of emptiness every time I fall in love.

image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/g-hat/1587337253/

Halfmeant

Sa bawat gabi makatulog ka sana

Na ako ang nasa isip sa tuwi-tuwina

Sa umaga, sa tanghali at sa gabi

Sana maalala mo ang aking mga ngiti

 

Sana’y dahan-dahan ka sa iyo’ng pagkain

Baka mabulunan sana sa kaiisip sa akin

Tingnan ang daan sa paglalakad

Baka madapa kapag naalalala ang lahat

 

Siguro sa sobrang pag-iisip ko sa’yo

Ay dugu-dugo ka na, pangyayari’ng di malayo

Ngayon kaya ay may dila ka pa

O lagi ito’ng nakakagat at di na makapagsalita

 

Kawawa ka naman kung magkagano’n

Sorry ha, di ko lang mapigilan ang emosyon

Gustuhin ko man na di ka isipin

‘Di pwede dude, mahirap ‘yong pilitin

 

October 19, 2005

Wednesday, 12:05am

image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/colinedwards/291628090/

Love Never Ends

    

     How would you stay in love with someone who does not and will never feel the same way? Would you still take the risk, tell him how you really feel and be broken the second time, or would you just forget about your feelings and live your life as if nothing happened?

     And then regret everything for the rest of your life?

     No way. If I were that person, I wouldn’t. But then again, you’ve got to think- is he worth fighting for?

 

     I’ll say this again, I don’t know and I can’t remember how many times I’ve said this, but I’ll say this again anyway. I’d love to forget everything, move on and live a new life. Who wouldn’t? But it isn’t easy. Everyday, I tell myself, this is the day when I start thinking about other things, more important things, except him. But at the end of the day, I always find myself hoping that he’s somehow thinking about me.

     Crazy, I am. Of course, I know that. No need to deny it.

     Well, that moving on thing, I guess, that’s hopeless for me. And that really scares me because I know, if I won’t be able to move on, I couldn’t really be happy.

     Because as they say, you cannot really go on if you have left something behind. And what I’ve left behind is the most important thing in my life. It is just so impossible to forget.

     And how can I live with the fact that I can’t move on? I do not know. Honestly, I do not know.

     They say that to be able to forget someone, find someone else. Or keep yourself busy, or simply, just forget everything about him. From his smile, to his God damn beautiful little eyes.

     Yes, I have tried those, all these years. But where did that all lead me? Into insanity. Still, here I am, desperately praying for a miracle.

     Here I am, still living in the shadow of the past, without taking into consideration that he might be with someone now, happy.

     I must admit that I can’t face the fact that he has changed. That maybe everything has changed between the two of us.

     Maybe he’s not the same person I’ve known many years ago. Maybe his feelings for me has changed. Maybe.

     Or that’s for sure. I don’t know.

     I still can’t figure out how did that happen. I mean, does love really change at the end of the day?

     Well, of course, it does. Everything has it’s end. Actually, a lot has changed in me. My love, for instance to those people whom I’ve loved before. However, did I question myself? No, because I am sure in my heart, that it is possible and there’s nothing wrong about my feelings changing through time.

     It’s understandable. It’s justifiable.

     But why on earth can’t I understand this issue between me and Mr. Blank?

     I’m getting tired of this. I’ve been pondering, weighing things for so, so long now. This hurt I’m feeling, I think is already immunizing my system that I no longer care if this is wrong or right.

     I know that what I feel for him is so real and that nothing is gonna happen. Yes, I’ve learned, as time goes that what I am into is something that time needs a miracle to come true.

     I have learned to accept my fate. But I am still holding on. I do not know where would this all lead me, but somehow I know, I’ll get there.

 image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/17305559@N00/379732712/

 

 

 

 

Gone with the Wind

    There will be this one time in your life wherein you’ll find someone as wonderful as the stars in the sky.

I’ve found mine many years ago. He’s got the eyes that would definitely leave a girl breathless. And his smile- wow, you could lose yourself with his sweet smile. He’s totally charming, very good looking. A head-turner, without even trying.

     I always used to give him a glance every single day when he walks in front of my house. And when he smiles, God only knows what’s on my mind.

     As time flies, I know nothing about him but his heavenly charm.

     As time flies by and still, I found myself searching among the crowds for his face. And who would expect that I’d be seeing him again, after a couple of years, in the most unlikely circumstances.

     One that I wished never happened.

 

     You ask why? I tell you why.

     Well, it was one of those ordinary days, and as I do the things I usually do, I suddenly saw this man rushing to my direction. I was surprised. Speechless.

     O, I really wish to heaven it never happened. Because that same day, that very moment, I can’t help but ask myself why, o why did I lose myself to someone like this man?

     I cannot believe that I was actually deceived by his charming good looks.

     Do not get me wrong. He still looks fantastic.

     Well, not until he speaks.

     O, I really wished it never happened. All my admiration, longing and dreaming has suddenly disappeared. It has simply gone…with the wind.

 

image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/aussiegall/1283642321/