If I Tell You I Love You

If I tell you I love you

Would you believe?

That I always think of you

And how much I adore you

 

If I tell you I love you

Would you laugh?

My heart longs for you

For your love that is ever true

 

If I tell you I love you

Would you care?

Or would you avoid my eyes

And ignore my feelings inside

 

If I tell you I love you

Would you hate me?

For pretending that I’m just a friend

Everytime you hold my hand

 

If I tell you I love you

Would you stay?

Would you still be there

And the friendship that we had shared

 

If I tell you I love you

Would you love me?

And tell me that what you feel

Is something that I long to hear

 

image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/beglen/151843636/

 

Love Never Ends

    

     How would you stay in love with someone who does not and will never feel the same way? Would you still take the risk, tell him how you really feel and be broken the second time, or would you just forget about your feelings and live your life as if nothing happened?

     And then regret everything for the rest of your life?

     No way. If I were that person, I wouldn’t. But then again, you’ve got to think- is he worth fighting for?

 

     I’ll say this again, I don’t know and I can’t remember how many times I’ve said this, but I’ll say this again anyway. I’d love to forget everything, move on and live a new life. Who wouldn’t? But it isn’t easy. Everyday, I tell myself, this is the day when I start thinking about other things, more important things, except him. But at the end of the day, I always find myself hoping that he’s somehow thinking about me.

     Crazy, I am. Of course, I know that. No need to deny it.

     Well, that moving on thing, I guess, that’s hopeless for me. And that really scares me because I know, if I won’t be able to move on, I couldn’t really be happy.

     Because as they say, you cannot really go on if you have left something behind. And what I’ve left behind is the most important thing in my life. It is just so impossible to forget.

     And how can I live with the fact that I can’t move on? I do not know. Honestly, I do not know.

     They say that to be able to forget someone, find someone else. Or keep yourself busy, or simply, just forget everything about him. From his smile, to his God damn beautiful little eyes.

     Yes, I have tried those, all these years. But where did that all lead me? Into insanity. Still, here I am, desperately praying for a miracle.

     Here I am, still living in the shadow of the past, without taking into consideration that he might be with someone now, happy.

     I must admit that I can’t face the fact that he has changed. That maybe everything has changed between the two of us.

     Maybe he’s not the same person I’ve known many years ago. Maybe his feelings for me has changed. Maybe.

     Or that’s for sure. I don’t know.

     I still can’t figure out how did that happen. I mean, does love really change at the end of the day?

     Well, of course, it does. Everything has it’s end. Actually, a lot has changed in me. My love, for instance to those people whom I’ve loved before. However, did I question myself? No, because I am sure in my heart, that it is possible and there’s nothing wrong about my feelings changing through time.

     It’s understandable. It’s justifiable.

     But why on earth can’t I understand this issue between me and Mr. Blank?

     I’m getting tired of this. I’ve been pondering, weighing things for so, so long now. This hurt I’m feeling, I think is already immunizing my system that I no longer care if this is wrong or right.

     I know that what I feel for him is so real and that nothing is gonna happen. Yes, I’ve learned, as time goes that what I am into is something that time needs a miracle to come true.

     I have learned to accept my fate. But I am still holding on. I do not know where would this all lead me, but somehow I know, I’ll get there.

 image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/17305559@N00/379732712/

 

 

 

 

How

How do you make things easier

The moment we said it was over

How do you face the morning sun

When you know that our love is gone

 

How could you go on and continue living

While I’m here on my own, hurting

I can’t help but wonder

How could your love make my heart suffer

 

How could you be so damn caring

Doing little things that make my heart spinning

How do you make each day so sweet

How do you fill the emptiness and make me complete

 

How do you begin a day without me

How do you set your heart free

How do you make the nights worthwhile

With tears in my eyes and a fake smile

 

How could you leave without saying goodbye

Now that you’re gone how could I not cry

How could you love me so damn much

When you know that you and I can never last

 

O, how will I ever convince myself

That our love is now an old book in a shelf

Tell me how to pretend to be fine

When I know in my heart you can never be mine

 

October 20, 2005

                                               image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/return_to_oz/319655745/